FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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