I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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