i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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