i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
