Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
