You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
