PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this just has baby written all over it
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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