so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you win again, gameday.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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