Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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