I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
