these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
