Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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