You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
