Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
