Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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