my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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