Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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