you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
