She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house