All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
