haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.