I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.