How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.