with your own penis?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off