So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
