I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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