worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize