At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
