This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You are a genius and a whore.
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