i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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