Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
