Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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