I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
