I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
