Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I could make wine with my vomit
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
