This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize