how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
