ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
