no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
