Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
