I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
