its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
