um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
