I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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