Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
