If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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