Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
