I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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