The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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