I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
