I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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