a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can I color on your dick again?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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