She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
