Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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