It's like God shit irony all over that family
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
