covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
