Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
