Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
