I just threw up on my dentist
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
