is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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