hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
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I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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