i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
