yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
