I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
